As readers of my blog well know, I lost my virginity in a blur. No dramatic music or candlelight -- just a bit of alcohol and a willing partner. She was more experienced than I was, of course. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: For a young guy, having a more sexually mature partner is great. Takes the pressure right off. She told me what she wanted and I did my best to give it to her. Simple.
The not-so-simple part was that this partner happened to be my best friend's sister.
I know, I know. Not that big a deal, right? Somehow, it was. I'm a firm believer that friendships and sexual relationships can and will combine when the timing is right. How many of us have ended up in bed with someone who was only one or two degrees away from a friend, family member or loved one?
Moving on. My best friend was a girl, as was her sister, obviously. So, after I slept with the sister (it didn't last long, trust me) the best friend walks in on us. Not exactly what I was hoping for. Hell, at the time I think I would have even preferred her mother to have walked in than my best friend.
She closed the door immediately. I got dressed, then ran out into the hallway saying I could explain. As for what exactly it was I would have explained, I have no idea. I'm assuming that "Hey, your sister's hot and it's about time I had sex" wouldn't have cut it.
To her credit, my best friend was understanding -- to a point. She said she was surprised, shocked, a little creeped out. I don't know why, exactly; she and her sister are fraternal twins, so we were all the same age. Now, I know what everyone must be thinking, so allow me to explain:
No, I don't believe my best friend was interested in my romantically.
Understand that she and I, on many occasions, had actually slept in the same bed without any sex happening. In fact, some even assumed I was her obligatory Gay Best Friend. Perhaps she thought that I would extend the amount of kinship to her sister -- which obviously didn't happen.
I haven't spoken to my former best friend in almost three years. Sad, really. As for her sister, well, we dated briefly but it fizzled out shortly after. And while I like to think that I haven't been "scarred" or "damaged" by any relationships I've had in the past, I can't ignore the obvious.
Is it a coincidence that most of my relationships after high school have been with older women?
Am I somehow trying to avoid the "trauma" of my first time? Do I subconsciously harbor negative feelings about what happened? Do I fear that should I get close to someone in my age range, that it could end up costing me something?
I don't have a Ph.D in Psychology, so I really can't say. All I can do is continue to write until I feel like I have nothing left to share. So stay tuned, everyone. Because tonight at work, things are going to be very, very interesting.
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