Thursday, January 14, 2010

Domestic Violence

Thursday, January 14, 2010
I've debated whether to write this post at all, but I think it needs to be shared.

The controversy surrounding the Iris Robinson affair has led to a whole lot of discussions -- from the sanctity of marriage to whether or not it's an outdated institution. Incidentally, I came across a rather startling claim online.

Basically, this poster (who I assume is a woman) said that men benefit more from marriage than women, and that in some cases, a Marriage License is a Hitting License.

That last bit about the hitting took me aback. I've never laid a hand on any woman other than a playful swat on the bottom. And if a woman slapped me, I asked for it (literally, as part of sex play). No domestic violence in my childhood home, either. Though if anything, it would have been my mom punching my dad...

I have, however, seen the effects of Domestic Violence (DV) while escorting. One regular client of mine... her husband used to hit her. Bruises on her arms, shoulders, but never the face. The kind of scum who hits a woman is usually sly enough to avoid leaving any obvious evidence of his crimes.

Of course I asked her about the bruises when I saw them. She was coy, evasive, eager to change the subject. One time, she got so irritated that she shoved the envelope of cash in my face and told me to just leave -- but I refused.

It wasn't until she called me in a panic one evening that I finally called the police. When I arrived at her home, it was obvious that her husband had finally lost it. The bedroom mirror was shattered on the carpet, her clothing torn, a black eye already forming on the right side of her face.

She and I had both thought her husband had fled the home -- and we were right, until he came back home. Funny, once he saw there was another man in the house, he wasn't so eager to fight. Me, on the other hand...

Well, let's just say it was a good thing the cops came when they did. A concerned neighbor had already called before I arrived on the scene. When they questioned me, I said I was her "friend". As best I can tell, they assumed "friend" meant "lover" and not "escort." Dodged a bullet there.

To this day, I struggle to understand why women stay with their abusers or why DV remains such a problem. Well, not so much "why" as "how". Do neighbors really ignore the cries and screams night after night? To friends and family routinely ignore the signs of abuse -- be them emotional or physical? Are women truly scared that life without their abuser will be worse than the life they have with him?

In a time when pundits like to talk about violence against escorts, I can say that the only violence I saw was committed within the institution of marriage. It's certainly food for thought.

Oh, and just so you know, the client finally got a divorce, the husband probation, unfortunately. If there's any justice in the world, he'll violate his probation, end up in jail, and learn what it's like to experience violence firsthand.

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