Sunday, February 14, 2010

Guys Night Out

Sunday, February 14, 2010
After having to deal with various women in my life -- clients, Rebecca, Simone -- I decided it was time for a guys night out.

Bailey was game, as was Adam. Joining us were a few friends of Bailey, none of whom had any idea as to what Adam and I do for a living. All the better, I suppose. Both Adam and I have pretty convincing cover stories when people inevitably ask what we do. For Adam, it's earning his Master's in Education (funny for reasons I'll explain later) while I'm doing freelance advertising and graphic design gigs.

Wonderful as Coconut Grove is, I couldn't help but remember just how miserable dating in Miami can be. Between pimped out "guidos" (Adam's term, not mine, and he's Italian-American) and equally terrifying girls, sometimes I think being an escort is actually a plus.

Of course, we always find what we're looking for when we no longer want it. Last night, that adage came true in the form of a gorgeous Asian-American girl who was flirting with me across the bar. She'd look at me, smile, then turn away. She followed it up with a twirling of the hair and crossing and uncrossing her legs -- all classic signs that even the densest of men can pick up on.

"Go over and talk to her," Bailey said. "Come on -- you can use it, all things considering."

Adam disagreed. "She looks young, doesn't she? She probably goes to UM. And you still prefer older, don't you?"

"I don't know what the hell I prefer anymore," I said. Still, she was pretty. I'd feel like a twat if I didn't at least make some basic conversation. So, with the encouragement of three of the four males I went to the bar with, I walked over and pulled up a bar stool.

"Hi," I said. "I'm Julian."

She took my hand and complimented me on my watch, which had slid down my wrist and nearly fell off. Time to get it re-sized.

"You're here with your friends, I assume?" She gestured towards the testosterone-filled table where I'd been sitting. "They seem like good guys."

"That they are."

She took a sip of her beer then looked down, almost nervously. I was trying to figure out what went wrong when she finally looked back at me and laughed. There had been a misunderstanding, she said. She wasn't smiling at me. In fact, she was flirting with Adam.

"Oh," I said, because I couldn't think of anything else. "Um, look, I don't know how to tell you this..."

"He's seeing someone else?" she said. "I mean, that's fine. I don't like guys who cheat anyway, so if he's with anyone--"

"No, not that." I bit my lip and decided to give Adam up. "Look, he's gay."

That made her eyes widen. She looked over my shoulder at the table, then back at me. "No, no that can't be right. I mean, my gaydar is great. I would have known."

"I'm sorry," I said. "But look, all the other guys are single, so if you want me to say anything to them..."

"Are you and him together?" she asked.

"What? No -- we're just friends."

The girl glanced back at the table, then shook her head. "Thanks, but the others just aren't my type."

"To each their own."

I walked back to the table, noticing that Bailey's two friends had left. I assumed they were somewhere else in the bar chatting up girls, and I was correct. When I sat down, Bailey was all questions about how my little conversation went. Adam was disinterested, ironically so. When I told them what happened, Bailey damn near choked on his beer while Adam was dumbfounded.

"What do you mean, she was flirting with me?" he said. "That... that doesn't make any sense. I mean, Julian, she was looking right at you."

"And you were sitting behind me, still in her line of sight," I said. "But hey, if you're interested--"

"I do that at work, not in my spare time," Adam said. "No thanks."

Bailey rolled his eyes and ordered another beer along with a basket of hot wings. As we continued to eat and drink, I could see the girl back at the bar continuing to look at our table -- particularly at Adam. Her eyes would narrow before shooting down at the floor when either Adam or I would catch her gaze.

"All right, this has gone on long enough," I said. "Bailey, go over and talk to her."

"What? But she likes Adam, not me."

"So?" Adam said. "You can change that. Just show her how much of a hunk you are." He reached out and pinched Bailey's cheek before having his hand slapped away.

"Fine," Bailey said. "This won't take long..."

I suppose Bailey thought he would be rejected, but that wasn't the case. In fact, within ten minutes' time, he and the girl were laughing and closing the empty space between each others' bodies. This made me happy for some reason. Not sure why, really, but it did.

"Maybe I should start a matchmaking service," I said. "Can't say that I don't have relationship experience."

"Very true." Adam waited a beat. "Look, I hate to do this, but some friends of mine are actually hanging out nearby..."

"Go," I said. "I'll head home myself."

"You sure?"

"Definitely. And be sure to use a condom."

Adam punched my arm before leaving. I finished Bailey's beer and wings, and left a few bills to cover my portion of the bill. After getting up, I sent Bailey a text that I was heading out early. Don't worry -- I'm glad he and the girl were hitting it off. Still, I'd be lying if I didn't feel completely alone at that time.

So, where did I end up? Not alone at my apartment. What began as a guys night out turned into the exact opposite, in fact. Guys nights out are supposed to be group gatherings were females weren't invited -- at least not initially. They weren't supposed to be one-on-one dates between two people of the opposite sex.

But that's just what Simone and I did.

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