Advice

Talked with Rebecca over my slight freak out regarding boundaries. She calmly asked if I felt victimized, or somehow "wronged" by what transpired with the client. I told her no, it was nothing like that, just --

"What?" she said. "Don't tell me you're starting to develop some kind of puritanical conscience on me."

"I doubt I'll be working for Focus on the Family anytime soon, but something definitely is going on here. Yesterday, I even checked out a job board online."

"And?"

"It was pretty shitty, and I was actually grateful I had a few multi-hour bookings this week."

"Well, there you go."

Gender stereotypes be damned, Bailey is a much more attentive listener than Rebecca. According to her, we escorts sometimes don't realize just how good we have it. Not only do we get paid handsomely for our work, but we also genuinely enjoy it. Imagine going to an accounting firm each morning and hating your job? Or having to teach a classroom full of demon children for a paltry salary.

"Don't rock the boat," she continued. "I mean, you've only been in the business a little over a year."

"You're probably right. Besides, it's not like having a huge gap on my resume will help matters, either."

She then steered the conversation back to what happened with the client. While Rebecca sympathized with my momentary fear of being tied to the bed by a woman I'd just met, she reminded me it wasn't like I couldn't break the restraints if I tried hard enough. Let alone physically restraining a woman who has only a fraction of my strength.

"Come on, Julian. Men are the stronger sex -- that's just how it is. No offense, but it's hard to feel any sympathy for you in this situation."

Then, it hit me. The reason why I was so upset over letting a client do that -- it was so simple it was almost stupid. Up until that night, the only woman I'd ever allowed to restrain me was Rebecca. Whether it was silk scarves, furry handcuffs, blindfolds or rhinestone collars, S&M was her domain and hers only.

By letting a client restrain me like that... was I feeling some sort of guilt? Guilt over letting someone else "replace" Rebecca and what she'd done for me? Despite the rather sexually explicit content of this blog, I am in fact somewhat traditional. I care for those close to me. And thus far, I've only grown close to two women -- Rebecca and Catherine.

"Julian? You okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. Just a little sleep-deprived, that's all."

She seemed to buy the lie. On the drive home, I came to terms with the fact that I still have some residual feelings for her. Harboring feelings for an escort -- beautiful. Best of all, I have another round of clients on Tuesday. As the saying goes, it all goes on...