Women Who Need a Gigolo

Many women in the world could use a gigolo in their life.

The following list was compiled while I was stuck in traffic this past week. While the beach was heavenly, traffic on I-95 during the ride home was not.

But enough complaining about traffic; it’s not as if I live in Los Angeles. Hell, I haven’t been there since I was sixteen. Onto the list!

Jennifer Anniston.

Ms. Anniston is also one of the women over forty I would gladly spend the night with. Unfortunately for her, she seems to have a hard time keeping hold of a man. Lucky for her, escorts such as myself are hired on an hourly basis, meaning we can just have our fun and part when the hour is over. I’d gladly help her rehearse her lines for any upcoming film projects, too.

Ann Coulter

I never said I would take the booking -- just that she needs one. After watching her on FOX News (or is that Faux News?) this past weekend, it’s quite clear she needs to get laid as soon as possible. True, her vagina is probably more barren that Sadam Hussein’s palace, but sex releases endorphins, which help cultivate good emotions. A little kindness would go a long way with her and the rest of the radical right-wing of the GOP.

Jessica Simpson

Not sure if I would take this booking or not. If one were to read the tabloids, they would surmise that Jessica is a needy, insecure and downright suffocating partner. While I’m sure that Nick Lachey was no real prize either, he really did emerge from the divorce in a better light than Jessica did. But she seems to have a good heart, and as long as that creepy father of hers was far, far away, I’d probably accept the booking.