Had lunch with the agent this afternoon. She called late last night and sounded concerned for me. When I asked why, she hesitated, then said she knew how much Rebecca's departure had to affect me. I agreed, but insisted I was still fit for work.
"Oh, it's not that," the agent said. "Still, I'd like for us to talk. Are you available for lunch tomorrow?"
We met in Coconut Grove. I ordered healthy -- chicken wrap and an iced tea, along with a side salad. It must have looked appealing, because the agent ordered the same thing. As the restaurant was rather empty, we started talking shop quickly.
"Your clients are still giving excellent feedback," she said. "I'm glad. I'll admit, I was worried about you when Rebecca left. The two of you were always... close."
"Yes," I said. "Yes, we were. Still, no use crying over those who've already left?"
"Very true. And while I'm happy for her, it leaves me one less girl. One that happened to be a top earner -- but I'm not that worried. Never had a problem finding girls before."
Once the agent verified that I was still in good spirits, the conversation turned personal. We discussed our friends, families, the kinds of things that normally an escort and an agent never discuss. I don't know why she and I developed such a close camaraderie. It's not like we see each other that often. Perhaps we just feel comfortable around one another?
(For the record, we've never slept together. A reader recently asked me that via e-mail).
After the check was paid and we prepared to go our separate ways, a stray comment from my behalf caught her interest. When I (somewhat) lamented my lack of a significant other -- hell, even a casual girlfriend -- the agent's eyebrows arched in surprise.
"You're meaning to tell me you can't get a date?" she said.
"Not that I can't get one," I said. "I guess I'm just not aggressive enough."
"Well then step it up! If you can work for me, you can get a date."
And right she was. Still, on the drive home, her statement echoed through my mind. Why is it that I'm so much more timid when Julian is turned off and I revert to the real me? Going through life in full-on escort mode isn't the answer, but neither is being a wallflower.
Of course, my deepest fear is that I'll realize that as long as I'm an escort, I'll never be able to have a real relationship -- that love will only come when I leave prostitution behind. With nothing on the nine-to-five job front lately, that isn't going to happen anytime soon.
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