The Fall of Advertising and the Rise of PR

I'm on a business kick lately. Forgive me if you don't find these posts interesting. I can go back to writing about sex if the numbers for the blog start to taper off -- but one of the things that I think makes my blog special is that it's more well-rounded than other blogs by sex workers.

Without further ado, let's talk about the Fall of Advertising and the Rise of PR.

Is advertising dead? Some think so. Between TIVO, DVRs and OnDemand, traditional advertising vehicles -- mainly commercials -- aren't as effective as they were even five or ten years ago. Unless one has a captive audience that's receptive to advertising (during the Superbowl, for instance) many consumers just tune ads out.

What is a company to do? Easy: increase their PR efforts. The benchmark of PR is the idea of a third-party endorsement. What the is that, you ask? Well, traditionally, advertising is a two-party system. You have the advertiser, and the viewer. PR, on the other hand, uses a third party to inform the viewer of a product and/or service.

OK, that was a little murky. Think of it this way: Ads talk to you. They tell you to buy something. PR, on the other hand, uses a third party -- a journalist, a blogger, etc. -- to inform you of a product or service without necessarily making a hard sell. Let's examine this more in-depth.

Say you're a teenager, and you have acne. You desperately want it to go away. Will an infomercial for ProActiv solution convince you that ProActiv is the way to go? How about a commercial or a print ad for Neutrogena? Come on, you don't believe those ads, do you? They're just after profits!

Now, let's take a PR approach. A representative for Neutrogena decides that many teenagers aren't watching TV live -- they catch up with OnDemand, DVR, or even streaming online. So, in order to reach the audience, they need to meet teens on their own turf.

The PR executive decides to reach out to beauty blogs and offer them free samples of their products in exchange for an in-depth review complete with photos and links to Neutrogena's website, as well as details as to where the products can be purchased. A few bloggers take Neutrogena up on their deal. Acne, after all, can plague all of us.

Hopefully, the products work. Maybe the blogger even includes before-and-after photos to detail how the product worked over the course of four to six weeks. So, what does Neutrogena now have? A third-party endorsement!

People will trust that blogger. He or she will disclose that they were given the products for free, and that they clarified with Neutrogena that they would post an honest review and NOT take any type of payment. Now, let's say a teen suffering from acne finds this review and decides to purchase Neutrogena. Bam! Sale!

Traditional advertising looks almost old-fashioned and boring by comparison. As a rule, people are suspicious of ads and big business. Companies need to stop talking at consumers and begin talking with them in order to succeed.

My own career in escorting with built on one of the other benchmarks of PR as well: word of mouth. I was sure to have references available for potential clients who perhaps were a little hesitant about hiring a male sex worker for the first time. So, if that client took the plunge, enjoyed herself, she often told her friends about her experience. Some of them would, in turn, call my agent for a booking of their own.

It's marketing. It's sales. It's PR. And above all else, it's what I'm passionate about. This is the real me, folks. And for the first time in a long time, I'm feeling like my future is as bright as the skyscrapers of a Manhattan evening :)

What Am I Doing Now?

If you follow me on Twitter, you'll see I made a recent revelation about my current work. After a lot of thought, I came to the realization that this blog isn't that big a deal. Nowhere near the level of Belle de Jour or other sex workers, certainly.

With that in mind, I can safely reveal a bit more information about myself. For instance, what am I doing now that I've left escorting? Easy: I work at a communications firm. We offer advertising, PR, and digital marketing solutions.

I mainly work on the PR side, but write the occasional print ad as well. So, how does a male escort end up being a PR executive? Easy: it's what I studied at university. And, all the while in Miami, I was doing freelance projects to build my portfolio.

(In PR, a portfolio mainly consists of writing samples such as press releases, fact sheets and the like, as well as media placements in both print publications and online.)

With a strong enough portfolio to prove that I could write well and secure coverage for a client, breaking into the ultra-competitive NYC market was much easier. And yes, the economy has mended somewhat, though everyone is still a bit tight with the purse strings.

But enough about the past! What do I do day to day? Mainly, I try to get coverage for my clients. "Coverage" can include anything from a feature story in a newspaper, blog or magazine. Other avenues include having the client on-air on a morning news show, or inviting a TV crew to an event that the client is hosting.

I've worked on a a few press kits as well. Press kits are a bundle of documents that include biographies of senior management, a fact sheet about the company itself (date founded, annual earnings, etc.), and a few press releases along with accompanying placements (placements, again, referring to stories that have run in the media).

I've written copy for websites, helped brainstorm promotions with in-house marketing departments to get consumers' attention, and even wrote a print ad when someone in the advertising department was out sick. 

Basically, I help my clients cultivate and project an image onto the world. It's up to me to convince the media that my client is worth paying attention to. My past in escorting is helpful. In fact, my boss tells me I'm one of the most confident people she's ever met. She thinks that's because males are encouraged from a young age to be assertive in business.

I, on the other hand, credit my confidence to escorting. How else could I have managed to look a woman dead in the face and request money for sex? The meek don't last long in sex work, that's for damn sure. And the confidence, assertiveness and competitiveness I learned while escorting has crossed over into the business world quite nicely.

So, there it is folks. In the coming weeks I'd like to discuss a bit more about my current work life, and how my views on sex influence how I approach various projects. Again, if there's anything you'd like to see or now, email me at JulianKaye@hushmail.com and I'll see what I can do.

And to answer the most common question: Simone is doing fine, and we are very happy together!

Goodnight :)

Watching Porn -- Together

"The beer was already there," said my cousin. "So we ordered some pizza, caught up on everything. Oh yeah -- we watched a porn too."

"Come again?" I said. "You watched a porn... with your frat brothers?"

"Yeah. What, like you've never watched porn with your guy friends?"

"Can't say that I have."

And so I discovered that guys -- particularly those in fraternities -- watch porn together. This cousin of mine, obviously he's not the one who came out to me last Christmas. I have quite the extended family. He's only a sophomore (second year of university) and at 20 years old isn't even old enough to drink beer.

Yet he's been watching porn since he was about 17.

This was a pretty startling revelation. Not that teenage boys watch porn, but that when they go to university, it becomes a group activity. Never once have I watched porn with other guys. Never. To me, porn is for private consumption and, most often, masturbatory aid.

My cousin insisted that the viewing didn't turn into a circle jerk. "No gay shit" were his exacts words, I believe. OK, so if watching porn with other men didn't lead to a circle jerk -- meaning no one had any intention of masturbating -- then what was the point of it all?

"Just to see it," my cousin said. "Chill out with your bros, talk about what you'd like to do to the girl on the TV."

Still not quite I understand the whole thing, but here goes: I believe that watching porn together is a way for young guys to verbalize their sexual frustrations and desires with one another. Whether they want to "bang that bitch in the ass" or "blow my load on her face," it's about... recreation.

By watching porn and saying what they'd like to do to the girl being fucked on-screen, these guys can solidify their masculinity and assert their heterosexual desires. Of course, actually having sex with a girl would do both -- or would it?

As I've said before, no one in my family knows what I do for a living. And having sex with women, professionally speaking, isn't about making myself out to be a man. It was about paying the bills. The fact that I've slept with hundreds of women still doesn't seem "real" to me. It's just a consequence of the job.

I also have another theory about why I don't necessarily like porn, and would never want to watch it with anyone. Porn, in many cases, is about casting women in a submissive role. Escorting, on the other hand, is a much more collaborative effort.

The client and I, together, come to an agreement as to what we'd like to do while I'm on the clock. In comparison, porn just seems to one-sided. Watch oral, anal or vaginal sex, masturbate until ejaculation, turn off DVD and repeat next week. So dull, so lifeless. But for some guys, I suppose that's as good as it gets.

Furthermore, I doubt frat guys would like to watch BDSM movies in which the woman is in charge. Seeing Simone dressed in leather with a whip in-hand is more arousing than watching Jenna Jameson, Tera Patrick or Sasha Grey get a facial. Could it be that men who prefer a dominant woman aren't turned on by the submissive nature of women in most porn?

Could be. I'm not an expert -- I'm just an ex-escort with a blog.

Does anyone here have any thoughts and/or experience with watching porn as a group? If so, shoot me an email and I may write a follow-up entry to this one. Until then, let's all enjoy the cool, crisp days of fall :)

Grooming

Wow, I never wrote a post about pubic hair?

A reader asked via email what length women seem to prefer most. He, being a generous boyfriend, was considering trimming or even waxing completely if it would please his girlfriend.

My answer? I have no idea.

When I was escorting, I did make an effort to keep things neat down there. A weekly trim of the scissors did the trick. Now, understand that I'm referring to the area of hair below by navel but above my penis. What about the testicles, you ask? I never could stomach the idea of waxing them. For lack of a better term, I'm a big baby.

So, the balls were trimmed as well -- but never waxed. And for God's sake, don't use Nair on your balls, boys. The skin is far too delicate and besides, that stuff smells like a rotten cucumber or something.

Besides the pubic area, I shaved my face fairly frequently. Not to say that I was clean-shaven for every appointment, but I never showed up with any scruff, either. Women rarely enjoy kissing a man who's face feels like sandpaper. I never waxed my chest, either, and never received any complaints.

Fingernails and toenails were always to be trimmed as well. No exceptions. It only takes the slightest flinch of the hand or foot to cut someone. These are the areas I've often told male readers not to regret: their hands and feet. A nice set of paws will go a long way in impressing a lady.

I hope this clears up any misconceptions about what women want. Very rarely will a woman for her man to go completely hairless, if for no other reason that women don't want their sex partners to look pre-pubescent. Just stay neat, presentable, and there shouldn't be any problems.

Oh, and one last tip: Less is more when it comes to cologne. No one should smell their sex partner coming from across the room!

Lucky

Every now and then, like all people, I whine. And given my knowledge of social networking, sometimes I whine in front of a global audience. Sometimes it takes looking at other people's experiences in sex work to remind me that despite everything, I am pretty damn lucky.

David Henry Sterry writes about his experiences as a hustler in the 1970s in the amazing book Chicken: Self-Portrait of a Young Man for Rent. He experiences things that I never did: abandonment by his parents, violence on the job, even a disturbing encounter with a woman who vomited. True, Sterry's account isn't without its laughs or enjoyable parts.

The same cannot be said for another memoir.

Rick Whitaker's Assuming the Position: A Memoir of Hustling is a decidedly darker tale on his life as a male prostitute. Whitaker experiences something that many people assume plagues all sex workers: drug addiction. I wouldn't wish chemical dependency on anyone, and Whitaker is no exception. One of the worst parts about sex work is that there are, in fact, people who are forced into the profession -- sometimes to fund a drug habit.

So what is the moral of this post? Both books are engrossing and certainly worth reading -- but they also served as a wake-up call of sorts for me. Much as I ignore it on this blog, there are sex workers who are both unhappy in the profession and only in it because they have to be, not because they want to be.

Many sex workers who are in the business by choice seem to ignore that fact. I don't blame them; who wants to read a blog or book with a moralizing tone? I suppose I just wish there was something I could do to help the less fortunate in my former business.

Are free clinics the answer, complete with medical and psychological treatments? A change in laws and legislation to bring the abused out of the shadows so they can get help? I vote yes on both counts.  

I realize this entry might not make much sense. Even I don't even know why I decided to write it. But the next time you see a street walker or a teenage hustler, don't write them off as trash, OK? They're people too. And if the two memoirs featured in this post are any indication, they have more going on inside of them than we will ever know.

New Friends

It's taken me awhile, but I've got a nice circle of friends here in New York City.

One of them lives in my building, actually. I'll call him Micah. He's a illustrator/graphic designer and has his own business going. Very, very talented guy. It's inspiring to see how he can switch from different visual styles -- from the art deco of the late 1930s to the more modern and streamlined styles of today.

Want to know something amazing? When he asked me what I did for a living, I was able to answer honestly. Of course, when he asked what I was doing back in Miami, it was back to the usual lies and half-truths. Still, being able to say, "I work at a _____ and I enjoy it so far" was pretty refreshing.

Not much else to report, I'm afraid. My parents had a great time in Vancouver for their 25th wedding anniversary, and I suggested they visit Montreal next. Of course, I regretted my saying that seconds after the words left my mouth. Why, you ask? Because my mother suggested I join her and my father.

"We haven't had a family vacation in ages," she said. "You can take off the time from your job, can't you? That's the whole point of working in an office. Health benefits and vacation time!"

"I'm honestly not sure," I replied. "Besides, Montreal is freezing during the winter. Maybe you'd just like to go back to Florida instead--?"

"What, with all the old people? The hell with that!"

My mother's a doll, but a bit of an ageist. Should she walk into an establishment where the clientele is older than 45 she very well may turn up her nose and leave.

"So, are you seeing anyone new?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Yes," I said. "She's great. You can't meet her yet, though."

"And what not?"

"She's a bit of a wild one. I'm not done taming her yet."

"Well as long as she's not a tattooed stripper I think we can deal."

Tattooed? I thought. No, but she has worked a pole in the past...

"Tell dad I say hello," I said. "Have a good weekend."

We hung up just as Simone IM'd me. Would I mind trying on the nipple clamps again? she asked. I couldn't help but laugh at the sheer irony. But of course, I couldn't say no.

Practice Makes Perfect

Greetings, readers. September has arrived, it's still bloody hot, but I can already smell the sweet scent of burning leaves and apple cider. Autumn, as I've mentioned before, is my favorite season. In fact, I may just have to take a weekend trip to my hometown to enjoy the foliage.

But enough of that sentimental rubbish! You came here for stories, and I intend to deliver :)

Simone is enjoying her newfound career as a dominatrix, but it isn't without its challenges. Mainly, she needs someone to practice certain techniques and/or products on. Guess who she considers to be the perfect guinea pig?

We set up some boundaries early on. I don't mind the handcuffs, blindfolds, paddles or whips. Liberal as I may be, however, I just can't bring myself to use to cock rings, anal plugs, vibrators or dildos. Not that there aren't men out there who enjoy being anally penetrated by a leather-wearing mistress. If reading the blogs of Mistress Lera or Mistress Matisse are any indication, it's downright common.

Last evening was dedicated to the art of restraint. Simone wanted to get an idea as to how tight was tight enough for handcuffs, dog collars, etc. We found that a snug fit is best, but not so tight that the area turns red and eventually tingles with numbness. Blindfolds are fine, and really should be bound as tight as possible.

But what of the paddles, you ask? There's something to be said for being spanked while on all fours, wearing a dog collar and fully naked. Then, there are the men who want to recreate fantasies of being spanked by their seventh-grade history teacher, in which case bent over a table while still fully-clothed is best.

Paddles that strike a naked rear end can be slightly smaller than those that strike a clothed one. Unless, of course, the submissive truly is a masochist, in which case bigger is better no matter is his ass is clothed or bare. Always be sure to strike the buttocks and not the small of the back, though.

Then there are the psychological elements. I'm a fan of low lighting, either with drapes over lamps or even candlelight if one's dungeon permits. Conversation should be kept to a minimum during the acts themselves, whether it's spanking or penetration or nipple-pinching with a pair of clamps.

Between acts, however, conversation can be tailored to however the submissive wants it to be. Whether it's sensual or demeaning, it's really up to him. I prefer a bit of both -- but that's just me.

Simone's taken notes on my likes and suggestions, saying it's a world of help in figuring out the male psyche. Seems the XY set are as mysterious to women as they are to us. But it's always nice to find some common ground, yeah?

Until next time, I hope everyone had a wonderful summer. Considering temperatures were scorching across the globe, let us welcome autumn with open arms.